10. Only watched because Tie Domi threatened to kick our ass if we didn't.

9. Just now realized Hansen Brothers weren't real.

8. If we want to see a bunch of sticks and a puck, we'll just watch A Midsummer Night's Dream performed by a Kendo class.

7. Sports with codified "assist" rules deemed unhealthy for the Republic because of Marxist overtones.

6. Can no longer support a league whose commissioner looks like a clean-shaven BLEEP.

5. Ever since Torino, we've come to regard hockey as the poor man's curling.

4. You know that "mascot game" feature on NCAA Football for the Xbox? That would be cool in hockey with Ducks and Penguins. Why don't they have that?

3. "World Series of Candyland" telecasts on ESPN2 have our attention at the moment.

2. Chilly arenas lead to disconcerting epidemic of "beer guy nippleage."

1. Things from Canada just aren't popular here now. That includes hockey, poutine, Shania Twain and respect within the international community.