10. Paid attendance ratio of attractive females to frat boy clones the highest of any major sporting event.

9. No harrowing close-ups of Patrick Ewing's armpits.

8. You won't hear a peep from "former quarterback" and "analyst" Sean Salisbury.

7. Breaks between half innings allow for more frequent urination and or barfing.

6. Won't involve the poopy-pants cheaters who officiated this year's Super Bowl.

5. Research shows that the butt-slapping, hugging, tight-fitting pants and gladiator backdrop makes football, in point of fact, "teh gay."

4. Delightfully free of Ahmad Rashad sideline interviews/jock-sniffing.

3. The Tigers could beat the Lions. In football.

2. No halftime show featuring the musical stylings of the barely legal, crap sandwich songstress of the moment.

1. Other sports don't lend themselves to such astounding innovations.