9. Doing the biathlon with roller blades and a potato gun.

8. Testing David Blaine's new record by seeing whether you can hold Stavros Niarchos under water for an entire week.

7. Finding that beer-drinking bear and settling things for good and all.

6. Bargaining with the gods so that Bonds passes Ruth only with a pink bat.

5. Singing the Star-Spangled Banner in Sanskrit just to see whether it gets a rise out of right-wing knuckle-draggers*. * - Works better if you're a brown person.

4. Trying to watch Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy back to back without removing your eyes with a cargo hook.

3. Watching as Deal Or No Deal completes its two-month journey from national phenomenon to drain-circling annoyance.

2. Somehow getting worried about Y2K again.

1. Trying to put your entire fist in your mouth while touching your nose with your tongue while chewing gum. If you fail, cut off a pinky.