I was an economics major in college, a student of what has been referred to as the dismal science.  Most of us did not even know there were women on campus until graduation rehersal.  We spent our times in darkened places doing unspeakable things.  Yes, we went to the library and read books.

That said, up until this year even I hadn't ever sunk so low as to try and understand the BCS college football rankings.  Now that I have I want desparately to watch an episode of Gilligan's Island or listen to Tom Cruise discuss pyschology.  Anything, but the horror that is the BCS formula.

Begin with the AP and ESPN coaches polls.  Coaches are far from objective observers.  If your team has been crushed by Steroid State University and their coach recruits against you by telling student athletes that you require scholarship players to do perverse things, such as attend class, you might bear a grudge.  Also, since it is a small world after all you probably know alot of other team's coaches and dislike more than a few.  Perhaps they have put moves on your wife, or cast lingering looks at your 14 year old daughter at the annual big time coaches picnic. 

In any case, we next add to the mix an average of the best six of seven computer polls.  These include, for example, the "Colley Matrix".  It touts itself as a bias free matrix ranking.  Mr. Colley's background is listed on his website and includes:

Senior Research Scientist at the University of Virginia.

Doctor of Philosophy and Astrophysical Sciences at Princeton

Undergraduate honors at UVA in Astronomy and Physics

In short, Mr. Colley is someone who probably looked up to Economics majors in college because we seemed cool.  Now, he helps determine whether the intellectual colony we know as college football coaches remain employed or not.  If irony were asteroids the Rose Bowl would be a smoking hole in the ground about now.  And Mr. Colley would have probably seen it coming from an observatory somewhere.

Now we move on to "quality wins".  It may disappoint players who have seen their teeth laying on the field like chiclets in order to grind out that last yard to victory that not all wins are "quality wins".  No, just those against teams in the Top 10 in one of the polls conducted by friendly neighborhood astrophysics professors.  Of course, to get a "quality win" you must be on the schedule of a team in the Top 10.  Ah, but there is a problem.  If you can beat a Top 10 team they will not schedule you (see subsection 6.c.a4 of the 1997 Major College Coaches Protection Act). It's in the library.  Say high to the econ guys for me.

Finally, we go to strength of schedule: 

 The SOS is a weighted average of 2/3 the winning percentage of a team's opponents and 1/3 the winning percentage of the opponent's opponents.

 You probably aren't reading at this point.  Some of you may have lost the will to live, in which case you'll probably want to become economics majors.  In any case, I will sum this up as simply as I can.  Bring back the bowl games and writer's polls.  Let us argue who is the best team in the country if more than one finishes undefeated.  Give us back college football and our sanity.  In the words of the philosopher Jethro Bodine, "This here cipherin' done give me a headache."

The NBA.  All the action of crocheting and the excitement of soccer.  I say this after watching argueably the two best teams in the league (Detroit and San Antonio) slog their way to an 85-70 win for the home team in Motor City.

Don't get me wrong.  The NBA has magnificently talented players who can turn into human highlight reels faster than you can say ESPN.  But maybe that's the problem.  Too much focus on the jam and not enough on the hard work that generates open court basketball.  The Knicks and Lakers of the late 60's this is not.  Heck, it isn't even as watchable as a good Kentucky Colonels-Indiana Pacers game from the glory days of the ABA.

For the game both teams barely shot .400.  Put that in some perspective.  Your 45 year old, overweight next door neighbor who is sleeping off a turkey and egg nog overdose on your couch about now can hit .400 if open on the perimeter.  After the game the star being interviewed was Chauncey Billups.  Yes, the Chauncey Billups who went 6-17 and led all scorers with a blistering 20 point performance. 

The sequence that said everything you need to know about the game (and by inferrence the current state of the NBA) was when Brent Barry of the Spurs tried to shake and bake and ended up laying on the floor having faked himself loose from the ball.  The Pistons picked up the loose ball and initiated (insert gasp of excitement) a fast break.  Not just a fast break, but a 4-1 fast break punctuated by a missed dunk.

Let that sink in.  A 4-1 fast break that wasn't converted because a pass might have messed up a dunk opportunity.  By the best team in the league.  With a very good coach in Flip Saunders.  In a key game.  NBA action...it's fantasmic. 

I'm glad I have memories of Jerry West and Oscar Robertson.  That I saw the Larry Bird Celtics constantly moving and cutting to create scoring opportunities.  And even that I saw Bob Verga draining three pointers with the regularity of a Swiss timepiece.  For those of you just starting to watch basketball I guess you can cling to the memory of Chauncey Billups scoring 20 points and Tony Parker scoring all 8 of the Spurs first quarter points as his girlfriend, Eva Longoria of "Desparte Housewives" watched from the stands.  As for me, I think I'll turn on Univision and see if there's a soccer game on.

According to sources the Baltimore Orioles may be involved in a three way trade with the Oakland A's and Chicago Cubs that would see them send away  Miguel Tejeda.  The O's shortstop has 4 years left on a 6 year, $65 million dollar contract.  Only the Orioles, or a crack adict who has just been hit repeatedly on the head with a blunt object, would trade away a hitter as productive as Tejeda when they have all the leverage.  This is why I am feel reasonably sure that such a deal will take place.  The Orioles organization under Peter Angelos has the judgement of a contestant on "Fear Factor".

It gets worse.  The key players being offered by the A's and Cubs are pitchers.  One is Mark Prior, the often injured right hander, the other Barry Zito.  Both pitchers are signed only through 2006, after which at least one will presumably go on to the happy hunting grounds of baseball, AKA the Evil Empire in the Bronx.  Having been turned down the likes of Carl Pavano it is hard to see why the Orioles would believe they have any chance of signing either to a long-term contract. 

Supposedly, the O's will only make the deal if a top prospect is included.  The name Felix Pie is being tossed about as that player.  Up to this point, the name Felix Pie has only been the answer to the trivia question-"What is 3.14159 times Felix?"  But perhaps the O's are holding out for a bigger deal, like Prior, Corey Patterson, 100 Swiffer dusters for all the empty seats in Camden, and a pocket full of magic beans.

For Orioles fans this is, as is the case annually, the winter of our discontent.  For once the Orioles management needs to stop selling their fans down the Patapsco River and develop a plan.  It starts with telling Tejada that contracts are enforceable and that suffering through mediocrity is part of what it is to be an Oriole.  Maybe then someday it won't be.

You say you have a problem with the Yankees 4 year $52 million signing of Johnny Damon?  That the accumulation of all-star talent by George Steinbrenner looks an awful lot like what the Hunt brothers once tried to do with the silver market.  That it's bad for competitive balance, bad for small and medium market teams, and bad for baseball.  You are forgetting a critical concept.  The devine right of kings.

Under this philosophy certain kings are accountable to no man.  In baseball the kings are few but they are powerful.  Start with Steinbrenner.  The fact that the American League East race has been clinched in December of the year before the 2006 season is of little importance.  George Steinbrenner is a king.  The fans of the Devil Rays and Orioles exist only to subsidize his travelling exhibition of all star players.

King Johnny Damon enjoyed the adulation of RedSox fans, becoming the shining knight who would be their champion.  But he is a king and as such is not accountable for their disappointment.  A king accepts, as his right, the loyalty of subjects.  This loyalty does not extend in the opposite direction.  Let them eat cake, or at least Coco Crisps in center field.

Lest we forget, King Scott Boras must also be paid tribute.  He has proclaimed himself the savior of the down trodden minor leaguers, whose lot he presumably enhances by draining owners and fans of every last shekel possible.  Invariably his major league free agents end up going to New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago but who are we as mere sports fans to question baseball's royalty?

Invariably, as happens with kings excercising absolute power even the strongest empires will crumble.  The signs will slowly appear.  Fans will stop paying tribute and two or three teams will go under.  Attendance in other cities will fall and Boras will squeeze his tribute out of a smaller and smaller purse.  As some kingdoms change hands, kings alas being mortal, the power of the great monarchs will fade.  The populace will become surly and eventually new regimes will come to rule by gaining the favor of the common man.  Let us hope they are more enlightened than King George, King Scott, and King Johnny and that the reformation comes quickly.