I was an economics major in college, a student of what has been referred to as the dismal science.  Most of us did not even know there were women on campus until graduation rehersal.  We spent our times in darkened places doing unspeakable things.  Yes, we went to the library and read books.

That said, up until this year even I hadn't ever sunk so low as to try and understand the BCS college football rankings.  Now that I have I want desparately to watch an episode of Gilligan's Island or listen to Tom Cruise discuss pyschology.  Anything, but the horror that is the BCS formula.

Begin with the AP and ESPN coaches polls.  Coaches are far from objective observers.  If your team has been crushed by Steroid State University and their coach recruits against you by telling student athletes that you require scholarship players to do perverse things, such as attend class, you might bear a grudge.  Also, since it is a small world after all you probably know alot of other team's coaches and dislike more than a few.  Perhaps they have put moves on your wife, or cast lingering looks at your 14 year old daughter at the annual big time coaches picnic. 

In any case, we next add to the mix an average of the best six of seven computer polls.  These include, for example, the "Colley Matrix".  It touts itself as a bias free matrix ranking.  Mr. Colley's background is listed on his website and includes:

Senior Research Scientist at the University of Virginia.

Doctor of Philosophy and Astrophysical Sciences at Princeton

Undergraduate honors at UVA in Astronomy and Physics

In short, Mr. Colley is someone who probably looked up to Economics majors in college because we seemed cool.  Now, he helps determine whether the intellectual colony we know as college football coaches remain employed or not.  If irony were asteroids the Rose Bowl would be a smoking hole in the ground about now.  And Mr. Colley would have probably seen it coming from an observatory somewhere.

Now we move on to "quality wins".  It may disappoint players who have seen their teeth laying on the field like chiclets in order to grind out that last yard to victory that not all wins are "quality wins".  No, just those against teams in the Top 10 in one of the polls conducted by friendly neighborhood astrophysics professors.  Of course, to get a "quality win" you must be on the schedule of a team in the Top 10.  Ah, but there is a problem.  If you can beat a Top 10 team they will not schedule you (see subsection 6.c.a4 of the 1997 Major College Coaches Protection Act). It's in the library.  Say high to the econ guys for me.

Finally, we go to strength of schedule: 

 The SOS is a weighted average of 2/3 the winning percentage of a team's opponents and 1/3 the winning percentage of the opponent's opponents.

 You probably aren't reading at this point.  Some of you may have lost the will to live, in which case you'll probably want to become economics majors.  In any case, I will sum this up as simply as I can.  Bring back the bowl games and writer's polls.  Let us argue who is the best team in the country if more than one finishes undefeated.  Give us back college football and our sanity.  In the words of the philosopher Jethro Bodine, "This here cipherin' done give me a headache."