(Notes from session 4-16-08 with "Patient X", a professional baseball manager.)

Let me just adjust those electrodes. Is that comfortable?

I think so. Are you sure this is in my contract?

You really do need to read the fine print. OK, let's begin. You're up 4-0 going into the 9th, your starter has a 4 hitter and has thrown 109 pitches. What do you do?

I bring in the closer. Ouch, that hurt.

Just a mild electrical stimulation, and it's all done to help you not hurt you. Now, let me ask you again. Going into the bottom of the 9th.

Light's out time, I bring in the....hey I didn't say I was going to bring in the closer. Cut that out!

See, you said the words "bring in the closer". It's not intent we're talking about here. We're trying to correct the bad behavior associated with those words. We want to condition you so that the memory of that jolt is retained for when a similar situation presents itself. Now, what do you do?

I do what every manager in baseball does!

And that is?

I bring in the closer. Ow....turn it off, turn it off. You tricked me.

No, you are causing this pain for yourself. You've seen the situation, you've seen a perfectly good lead blow up, Still you go back to the source of your pain. Why do you think that is?

Doc, bad things happen if you leave a pitcher in for the 9th inning.

Now, we're getting somewhere. If you leave the starter in what bad thing happens?

I don't know. But, it's bad. Real bad.

And these bad things that happen cause you feelings of guilt?

(Patient is now curled into fetal position on couch reciting what appears to be some kind of mantra). Lefty-lefty, righty-righty, specialist if we need to get out of the 7th, setup man in the 8th, closer in the 9th. Lefty-lefty, righty-righty, lefty-lefty-righty-righty, lefty-lefty. A defensive catcher is worth a half point on ERA, good clubhouse man, good clubhouse man, 12, no 13 pitchers, yes, 13 pitchers. Lefty-lefty, righty-righty, nothing but smoke in the late innings, 100 pitches he's done, he's done, 100 pitches, lefty-lefty, righty-righty.

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

Why did you do that, I didn't say anything about the bringing in the closer?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The pain, make it stop. Why are you doing that? Mommy, I smell bacon. Are we having pancakes? Why is uncle Frank here again?

Did you say something? Oh, I'm sorry, it's this Blackberry. You get hooked on it, the messages just keep coming wherever you're at. I must have sat on the remote.

(Sobbing) I did the right thing the other night. I did what I was supposed to do.

And that was?

I'm not falling for that again.

See, now we're making progress. I'm going to show you some pictures to see how well you are connected to the world around you. Just tell me what you see.

A dangerous hitter who can steal a win from us.

No......that is a baseball card of Eric Bruntlett. And this....

A power hitter who will tee off on my starter if I leave him in.

That was a photo of Hilary Clinton. Why do you find women threatening?

You can't fool me. Look at those legs, that's where the power comes from. If my starter leaves one over the plate she could go yard.

She's sixty years old.

Oh, yeah, then what's she doing wearing that Cubs cap? I'm telling you, I think I've seen this woman when I was managing at Waterloo.

And this one?

It's the horrible monster that slept under my bed at night when I was little. Put it away.

And that would be Senator John McCain. This one?

I know him, I know him, wait a minute. (Begins to recite the lyrics to 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.")

Moving along....

My friend Milt was managing in the minors and left a starter in until the 9th. He died. Is that what you want? You want me dead?

We've been through this. He was rolled over by a human hamster wheel in between innings.

That's what they want you to believe.

Who wants you to believe?

The people who don't want you to bring the closer in during the 9th. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSONOFA>>>>>>>>....

Go back to the touchstones. What have we learned?

We become the pain we bring on ourselves. Winners never quit and quitters never win. The drink I have at 2 a.m. won't fix the problem I had at 10:30.

OK, our time is up. Before our next session I want you to practice visualizing yourself walking out to the mound to congratulate your starter at the end of the game. Start your pitch count log in the 2nd inning. And call your parents and tell them how it made you feel when they walked out of your high school games early. I think that's going to be a breakthrough moment for you.

Next week we'll try and figure out why you think of Woody Allen movies when you're with a woman.