Name me one great product that hasn't been improved over time. OK, outside of Coke.

Yet we hold onto this idea that sports is somehow immune from improvement. Nonsense.

Take football. Player's height, weight, and speed has exploded. Linebackers are so fast laterally they make the field of play smaller. Nose tackles are the equivalent of parking a small kitchen appliance in the middle of the field, which can neither move nor be moved. Offensive linemen can't get out on the corners to block. So the NFL running game becomes a dying art, and Tom Brady plays catch with his receivers like they were so many frisbee chasing basset hounds.

We can do better. Put another six yards on the field from sideline to sideline so a running back can occasionally turn the corner. This will put pressure on teams to rid themselves of Conan the Nose Tackle, and also downsize offensive linemen who will now have to (gasp) run. Without the nose tackle, teams will go back to the 4-3 and finally get some pressure on the quarterback. Or, we could just let everyone go on steroids and HGH and wait for the herd to thin out.

College and pro basketball need different solutions. A return to the 24 second shot clock and elimination of the zone might help the NBA. Drugs might even work. Give players amphetamines and tell them Michael Vick has taken their household pets hostage and won't release them unless someone, anyone, shoots the ball with double figures on the shot clock. Then we might see the first faint traces of running game begin to emerge like basic life out of the primordial ooze, or Isiah Thomas at a Knicks office party.

College basketball has stopped being about ball movement and become a recruiting contest where the coach who brings in the best one and two year players wins. Let's go back to no shot clock. Let teams take at least the amount of time to shoot the government spent studying the consequences of the Iraq invasion. Or even 45 seconds or more. And kill off the unseemly recruiting scandals by allowing colleges to draft players out of high school (they can sign special services contracts with Nike since anyone playing college sports ultimately works for the swoosh).

Raising the basket four inches in college and the pros should be just enough to take cheap dunks away. Dunking has lost it's meaning. Urkel could throw down on a 3-1 fast break ("Did I do that...)". Dunking is the basketball equivalent of end zone dancing. Making it less frequent will bring back the drama. And while we're at it, let's move the 3 point line back to where nature, and the ABA, wanted it to be. Any shot an 45 year old CPA from Duluth can make is not an accomplishment worth extra credit. If they want extra credit, let them figure out which ref is on the take and submit the name in a sealed envelope addressed to anyone who thinks the Sonics aren't going to Oklahoma City.

Baseball is perfect as is. Managers are imperfect. The answer lies in getting rid of managers. One way-outlaw the pullover windbreaker and mandate regulation uniforms. One look in a mirror and most won't come back in to work. Ever. We replace the manager with the fanager. Just pull someone out of the stands. Anyone who has been to as many as three games knows what moves to make, and there is a chance they'll be so excited they might forget to bring in the fifth and sixth relief pitchers.

As for the DH, how is it nobody is being held without trial in Guantanamo for that idea? No position should be allowed that can have a "u" inserted in the middle and come out "DuH". If the DH is allowed to stay it should be accompanied by a reduction in the number of pitchers allowed on a roster to six. Tough choices for a tough game.

Can hockey be saved? I'm thinking we keep the basic concept, but introduce "Monster Truck Zamboni Death Duels" between periods. Let the Zambonis drive over small automobiles, have the Zamboni chase after people inside those hamster wheels they use at minor league baseball games, and put two Zambonis, (or is the plural pronounced Zam-bon-nigh?) at either end of the ice and play Zamboni chicken.

Which leaves us with soccer. When you see players packing a light lunch for the trip from one end of the field to the other, maybe it's time to cut the field down a bit. Allow both teams to have one extra attacker in the offensive zone who may not go back on defense. Add an extra ball. Something, anything. Just please, no more 1-0 games.

Like fully clothed NFL cheerleaders, these are ideas whose time hasn't come.  And never will.