(Interview with Grizz Lee Bear, spokesman for Bear Rights Council)

So, you've demanded the Chicago Bears drop the nickname Bears. Does the name represent a demeaning stereotype to you? An exaggerated potential for violence, the whole mauling thing?

No, quite the opposite. We are violent,and we do maul the Elmer Fudds of the world. I hope I don't put too fine a point on it, but we are the baddest dudes in the woods. The same can't be said of the "so-called" Chicago Bears.

Then it isn't the name itself, just the team using it?

Look, when Dick Butkus wore the bear on his helmet you never heard a word from us. Dick, he was like family. Raw meat wouldn't sit untouched in his cage, if you know what I'm saying. But today's team? I mean, for crying out loud, the coach is named "Lovie". Who is the offensive coordinator, Thurston Howell the Third?

And this is causing the bear community embarrasment?

The stuff I've taken off the Lions and Bengals this week at work. You wouldn't believe it. My kids have been taking shots at school all week from the Panthers. Little Christine, she got head butted by a Ram. Stuff that never used to happen. Some Dolphin, a dolphin, giggles in that little high pitched squeel at my youngest boy on the playground. He comes home, won't talk to his mother, crawls straight up into a hollow tree stump and says he isn't coming out until football season is over. It just breaks your heart. Breaks your heart.

Do you blame Rex Grossman?

Rex Grossman is no bear. Look, (choking up). Can we shut that off just a minute. (Deep breath). Look, when they brought down my dad, he, he had taken out two hunters. It took six shots from a high powered rifle. I, I'm sorry, this is really hard. And they tracked him fifteen miles back up a draw before they finished him off. That was a bear. Grossman, some Cowboy runs by and tags his shoulder and he's on the ground curled up in the fetal position. If that had been my old man you'd be finding little pieces of boots and spurs in trees for days afterward. And you want to call Rex Grossman a bear? I take exception to that, I really do.

His form did appear to be off last night.

Look, you ever see a bear knock a fish out of the water. It's a thing a beauty. Lock onto your primary, shift your weight smoothly during the transition, and follow through. I'm watching the game and I nearly jumped out of the den when I see Grossman's passes. I honestly thought it was a wounded duck. 'Here comes supper'. Then I see Henry running into the end zone. Disgusting, just disgusting.

More like Yogi the Bear?

Don't get me started on that. I grew up hearing all the pic-a-nic basket jokes. Where's Boo-Boo? I'll show you Boo-Boo pal, got your Boo-Boo right here. Knock your scrawny carcass all the way back to Jellystone Park. Just when we put that behind us, just when we think we're finally going to get some respect, here come 'Da Bears'.

Do you really expect the Bears to change their name?

Do we do it in the woods? Of course, I expect that. There's plenty of names for a team like that. The Chicago Gerbils. The Chicago Possum. The Chicago Squirrels. How about the Moose? The friggin, "wait until I strike a majestic pose for the camera, moose." See how they like being represented by Bernard Berrian. See how they feel waking up on Monday morning with the entire forest laughing.

Any last comments?

I believe in this country. I believe in the right to keep and arm bears. All we're asking for here is a little dignity, a little respect. You know, there's bears in New England. Alot more bears in Massachusetts than Patriots.  We can live with the New England Bears.  Just give us a team worthy of the name. Is that too much to ask?