Wondering what to get your sports fan son or daughter for a graduation gift?  Totally insensitive to the point that you'd buy a sports themed item you wanted for yourself as an anniversary gift?  Have unresolved childhood issues and want to settle some scores on Mother's Day?  Then you might want to consider:

That would be your official Cincinnati Bengals shot glass collection.  I'm searching now to see if they also have Bengals bail bond forms (pre-printed for various offenses on team stationary), the official Bengals Breathalyzer, or a Bengals handgun holster.

The Atlanta Hawks toss pillow is a perfect gift.

For those one or two times a year the Hawks somehow get on TV.  Your Hawks fan will have something to throw at the old flat screen that won't do any real damage.  They can also bite on the edges and sob uncontrollably.

The Cubs tie is a multipurpose gift.  It shows loyalty, optimism, and faith. 

Hopefully, after your family reports that they haven't seen you since Carlos Zambrano's last start, the paramedics will cut you down from it in time. 

LeBron James proposed that the Cavaliers use these balls at home games.  It eliminates any confusion about how the offense is supposed to run.  Commissioner Stern said he would consider it, but had to wait for his bosses at Nike to run it through Legal.

They thought about doing one of these for Larry Hughes, but there is a manufacturing defect and less than 40% of his would go through a regulation basket.

Here's a real collector's item.  It's just like the one Duante Culpepper wore on the Dolphin's sidelines last season:

As an Orioles fan I'm thinking about getting this next item.

You'll notice the sleeves tie together in the back.  That way, come July you won't be able to harm yourself.

The Ladanian Tomlinson Chargers clock has a unique feature:

It automatically stops in late December, just like the Chargers do.

The Phoenix Cardinals had this helmet made especially for Matt Leinhart and now you can own one too:

The helmet also serves as a popcorn and snack tray, so that the ex-USC bar star can come straight to the game from the local Hooters and not have to change for work.

This is an official Ohio State Buckeye wall clock.  So authentic that it is stopped (like OSU's basketball program) at the precise moment Greg Oden announced his decision to enter the NBA draft.

Finally, this item is labeled as a North Pole Buffalo Bills tailgate table.  It comes with special rubber no-skid leg guards, so that when the nether regions do actually freeze over and the Bills go back to the playoffs their fans can be assured of a safe tailgating experience.

Happy shopping!