NBA Stars of Yesterday
Michael Jordan
Magic Johnson
Larry Bird
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Bill Russell
Wilt Chamberlain
Julius Erving
Isiah Thomas
Charles Barkley
Moses Malone
Oscar Robertson
Jerry West
Scottie Pippen
Willis Reed

Downs: Now, teams, there will be only one regular challenge before the eliminator, but it's very important. Because after the challenge, one of you will be gone.

Kobe (to himself): LeBron.

LeBron (to himself): Kobe.

Downs: Here is the challenge, guys. In his continued efforts to become dictator of the world, David Stern wants you to play a baseball game. The winning team gets immunity for just that challenge. Everyone is fair game for the Eliminator. Now, teams, choose your players for the challenge.

(The lineup cards are set.)

Today's Team Starting Lineup
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2B: Iverson
RF: Ginobili
C: Shaq
LF: Kobe
CF: LeBron
1B: Garnett
3B: Pierce
SS: T-Mac
P: D-Wade

Legends Starting Lineup
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SS: Isiah
3B: West
C: Wilt
RF: Jordan
CF: Magic
LF: Bird
1B: Barkley
2B: Robertson
P: Russell

Downs: Alright, we'll play six innings...
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Downs:...and we'll see who wins. Begin the game.

(Today's team comes up to bat in the first inning. Iverson, in true form, gets hit by a pitch on the first pitch. Ginobili tries to do the same thing, but the umpire rules he flopped, and he's tagged out by Wilt. That leads to Shaq coming up, and he slams a home run to give Today's team the lead.)

Shaq: That was Shaq-tastic! 29 points!
Downs: That's only two runs.
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Downs: Let's keep going. Kobe, you're up.

(Kobe looks confident, and he's up to a 3-0 count when Russell throws ball four, However, the umpire calls "Strike". Kobe goes ballistic.)

Kobe: That was a ball!
Umpire: Go to the showers, boy! You're ejected from the game!
Kobe: Wtf!!!!!

(Kobe storms off. LeBron waits until he leaves, then laughs hysterically; he paid the umpire off to purposely eject Kobe! Carmelo replaces Kobe at left field. LeBron strides to the plate.)

LeBron: Time for the chosen one to take command!

(LeBron smiles...then get promptly struck out. He blames his teammates for it. Garnett grounds out to end the inning.)

Downs: O.K., Legends, it's your turn to bat.
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(Isiah bats first, and grounds out to start things off. West smacks a double after LeBron overplays it, prompting West to say "I take back my words!". Wilt smashes a home run to tie the game, and Today's Team manager Stan Van Gundy panics and replaces Wade with Dwight Howard. Howard uses his Superman fastball to retire Jordan and Magic. The game remains tied through five innings.)

Downs: Alright, teams, this is the last chance you have to win the game before extra innings.
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(Today's team leads off with Iverson again. He swings at three pitches before striking out. He says he needs more practice with the bat. Ginobili barely avoids getting hit by a pitch by flopping, and hits a single on the next pitch. Shaq is walked intentionally, causing Shaq to say "Do that again, and I'll rap!". Carmelo flies out to the centerfielder Magic, leaving LeBron to be the hero if he could cash in.)

LeBron: I'm ready to become a global icon!

(Russell throws a pitch down the middle of the plate. LeBron smashes it. It looks like a home run, but Kobe comes in from the outfield and knocks Bird down, starting a fight with the Celtic legend and forcing the umpire to call LeBron out due to interference. LeBron then joins the fight with Kobe and Bird. Both LeBron and Bird are ejected, but LeBron and Kobe don't care.)

LeBron: I'll show you who's the best!
Kobe: You don't even know how to spell "Best", ####!

(Today's team puts in Duncan at center field, and the Legends choose Erving to replace Bird in left. The game continues.)

Downs: Last chance, Legends!
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(Jordan leads off the bottom of the 6th. Van Gundy panics again and replaces Howard, who has eight strikeouts, and puts in Yao, who still hadn't recovered from a bad back from the previous day.)

Van Gundy: Go get 'em, champ!
Yao: I don't have ring.
Van Gundy: Neither do I. Who cares! (he is sweating bullets)

(Yao goes up, but as he unwinds, he rips his back up more, and the ball travels at 50 MPH. Jordan smacks it over the fence to win the game for the Legends 3-2.)

Downs: Legends, you have won 3-2...
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Downs:...and Today's Team now must vote off a player. Legends, we'll do the vote here before going to rest for the Eliminator. Start voting.

(The Legends vote. It comes out 13 for Howard, and one that can't be read because a giant pepperoni piece covers the vote. It's Barkley yet again; he ordered a pizza through a carrier pigeon!)

Downs: That's one vote for Howard. Now, Today's Team, you vote.

(LeBron and Kobe return for the vote, bruised in body and mind. They vote.)

Downs: Here are the results.

(The votes are revealed to be ten for Yao, three for McGrady and one for LeBron.)

Downs: Yao, you must go now.
(LeBron screams "who voted for me now; I'm sitting next to Kobe. He didn't!" Nobody raises their hand, but Carmelo smirks. He and Kobe are now a team to stop LeBron! Yao gets carried off by 60 illegal Chinese workers.)

Downs: Alright, teams; rest up and get ready for tonight's Eliminator!

(Night falls. The Eliminator begins.)

Downs: Alright; choose your teams. And for the record, LeBron and Kobe are disqualified because of their behavior earlier.
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(Today's team settles for Howard, Carmelo, Pierce, Wade and Shaq. The Legends choose Jabbar, Pippen, Malone, Reed and Erving.)

Downs: Start!
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(Carmelo and Reed start the race. Carmelo takes an early lead as Reed lumbers through like he did with the Nets. Carmelo tags off to Pierce, whose halfway through the cave when Reed tags to Pippen.)

Pippen: Maybe I should've sat on the bench now instead of then. Anyhow, here I come!

(Pippen uses the anger he has towards Barkley, who once again is eating, this time an entire cow, to surge towards Pierce, who slipped and appeared to injure his knee. Put Pierce simply lulled Pippen; he's not hurt! Pierce reestablishes his lead when he tags off to Shaq. Pippen tags to Malone.)

Shaq: You can't stop the big Aristotle!
Malone: I won three MVPs when you were in diapers! Fo,fo,fo!

(Malone becomes a man possessed; he chases down Shaq, who is briefly distracted when he remembers he threatened to rap. The two centers go up the treadmill, though Shaq picks it up to go up it, and they tag off to Wade and Erving.)

Wade: Dr. J!
Erving: Dr. Chapstick to you!

(Wade and Erving hit the basketball court. The challenge is to dunk from the foul line. Wade lines up first, but while in the air, he instinctively tries to draw a foul, and the ball clangs off the rim. Erving hits the dunk with ease, and runs to the final station to tag Jabbar. Wade dunks, then hurries to get to Howard.)

Howard: Time for Superman to stop SuperScorer!
Jabbar: Quit choking me!

(Their final challenge is to name all the teams that won a NBA title in the 1970s. Howard is stumped.)

Howard: I wasn't born in the 70s! Superman deserves better!
Jabbar: Right in my wheelhouse! New York, Milwaukee, Los Angeles, Boston, Golden State, Portland, Washington and Seattle!
Downs: That's correct! The Legends win!
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Downs: Today's Team, you must vote off another player.

(The teams head to tribal council square.)

Downs: Time for our votes!
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Downs: Legends, vote now!

(The legends vote. They all vote for Howard.)

Downs: Alright, now Today's Team must vote.
(jingle): Sponsored by that pill for going too often!

(Today's team votes. It comes out eight for Iverson, three for Wade, and two for LeBron.)

LeBron: Who the #### is against me!?

(Kobe and Carmelo exchange smirks.)

Downs: O.K., AI, your time is up. Leave the island!
Iverson: I thought they were talking about practice voting! This is worse than playing for Michael Curry!
(Iverson leaves. His mother tries to attack Downs, but is knocked down when she runs into the bones left behind by Barkley after he ate the cow.)

Downs: That's it for today's episode of NBA Survivor!
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Downs: Come see us next time, when two more NBA stars get the boot!
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Downs: See you next time!