NE-SD

 

I certainly took a lot of heat last week for my statements about the Moss acquisition in NE. The temperature seemed to cool tremendously, though with the revelation that the Pats might have had a hint about what the Jersey/B planned to do defensively last week.

 

Don't start writing the Chargers down for the W just yet, though. Sure, it'll get a might bit harder for Tom and Randy to make it into a pitch and catch-a-thon now that they don't have a heads up on what D the opponent will run. But let's not underestimate th NT factor, that Norv Turner for those who haven'[t been singing along.

 

Sure the Chargers pulled a tough one out against a formidable opponent. But that formidable opponent handed them more than the 14 pts SD put on the board. This Chargers team is already looking like the underperforming, undisciplined crews Norv is known to produce.

 

This week's game is too close to call. But neither of these teams will be the juggernauts the anlaysts predicted, going forward. Look for the wheels to start coming off in SD (week 6) before NE though.

 

IND-TN

 

The Colts looked phenomenal against the Aints. Had they played on Sunday, the NE Perps big "win" wouldn't have looked so big. Look for a slight Indy letdown this week, though. Indy doesn't have 15 more opponents waking up from a bad hangover this year, either.

 

TN punches everybody in the mouth defensively, and even though VY is going to continue to look subpar statistically, I get nervous about betting against him. He's still the guy who singlehandedly destroyed a BCS Championship for a vastly more talented USC team. The guy just wins football games. Whether or not he'll be a real NFL QB is still open for discussion. Even though I see the Tacks and VY taking a step back this year, I just love his talent level.

 

CIN-CLE

 

Here's what we know. The Ravens got 8 chances to score last week and couldn't recover from one bad call. The Bengals got one good call and still defended their end 7 times. Are the Bengals overrated? No. They made the plays they had to, even after Ed Reed tried to break their backs with a scintillating TD return.

 

In CLE, the Brady Quinn watch is at two quarters and counting. If we don't see him by the second half of next week's game. I'll personally drive to Foxboro and kiss Moss' butt. Who are we kidding, no I won't. But Romeo knows what he has in Anderson, and he knew what he had in Frye. So the only hope to keep his salary and avoid becoming a "special assistant to the vidoegrapher" in NE, rides on #10.

 

SF-STL

 

The Niners are bringing sexy back. Is there a sexier pick as a not so dark horse as a Division Champ? Two years ago, I called Alex Smith a total bust. That makes me about as wrong with that call as Erma4USC was in calling Doug Williams a "scab". Smith was phenomenal last week, and the Niners will be the real deal under Nolan.

 

STL, on the other hand is the fake deal. The rumors of the "Greatest Show on Turf" v. 2.0 were as Mark Twain would say, 'greatly exaggerated".  Here are the facts. Holt and Bruce are old and brittle. Mark Bulger is very accurate, but not the alien Kurt Warner. And The STL defense is about 25% as talented as the one that kept giving Kurt and Co. the ball back. The Rams are an 8-9 win team.

 

GB-JERSEY/A

 

Watch that Pack Defense round into the dominant squad everyone says the Ravens still have. Watch Brett Favre fade into the sunset. Watch the Packers contend.

 

I will say this for Favre. He was hilarious, but not mean, in his remarks about the hefty lefty.

 

JERSEY/A

 

I know I'm not the only dying to see an onrushing safety slam into and bounce off of the Hefty Lefty, wondering what kind of truck he ran into. Remember when they used to call Jim Kelly a LB wearing a QB number? What does that make Lorenzen? A  NT under center? Something makes me want to see Lorenzen succeed and create the obvious controversy in NY.

 

BUF-PIT

 

This is the real season opener for Pittsburgh. I love my Steelers, but when a team commits four penalties during a 15 yard punt, they should just call the game right there. Pittsburgh still has some issues on the OL to solve, witnessed by a complete inability to run the ball before the score got out of hand. And B-Ro still forces the issue and needs to learn how to throw to RB's.

 

I still love the dignity and intelligence that Tomlin has restored to the sideline in Pitt. How it took the Rooney's 15 seasons to figure out that grown men tune out temper tantrums is beyond me.

 

As for the Bills, they're going to suffer from the dreaded Jauron curse and the Loseman factor until both are dispatched elsewhere. Jauron turns 13-3 teams into 3-13 teams like hotcakes, and if it wasn't for the deep ball, JP would have no ball at all.

 

What's worse than bringing back a career choker as your HC? Bringing him back as your GM. I have nothing but Pity for Bills fans these days.

 

NO-TB

 

Look for the Saints to pull a complete 180 and show us that they're the slightly above average team we always knew they were. Unless Sean Payton gets it out of his mind that Mr. Bojangles is not feature back, that is.

 

Look for poor, 37 y/o undersized, pop-gun armed Jeff Garcia to finally shatter into pieces in the coming weeks. Jon Gruden, wtf? You won Tony Dungy's SB, and went about dissembling a SB team into a perennial cellar dweller. Sure you're fun to watch, but so was Nick Saban. Hell, Jim Mora Sr. was a press conference circus, before Denny Green even contemplated a meltdown. But you all have something in common. You suck.

 

HOU-CAR

 

I expect the Texans to continue to surprise. I expect the Panthers to continue to be over-rated. I expect Mario Williams to continue to outscore Reggie Bush.

 

ATL-JAX

 

Joseph Harrington has about one more game before the Falcons sign Byron "Club" Sandwich, or maybe even Tommy "Gun" Maddox for that matter. True, ATL and Minnesota set offense back 50 years last week. And Granted, the whole Falcons team pooped their drawers last week. But how long will Petrino settle for a timid, confused QB who can''t handle game speed defenses? Answer; not long.

 

Does that mean I'm changing course and saying the Falcons were better off with Vick? No. The only difference between Harrington and Vick at QB is that Vick was too stupid to admit he was a RB, and Harrington knows in his heart, that's he's a backup on his best days.

 

David Garrard? Cut that out. No really, get a cardboard cutout, put it behind the center and you'll get the same performance. JAX is dead if Garrard is their guy. They'd probably go 12-4 with Beverly D'Angelo at QB. But I don;t think she'll play for them, and Del Rio doesn't even have her number. (Thanks, Seth).

 

MIN-DET

 

Next Question.

 

DAL-MIA

 

Look for Miami to go six-wide and not even use a QB. Watching the Cowboys get carved up by Eli and company had to be downright frightening to Jerry.  But this is another case of what happens when you hire loser coaches to take over wining teams.

 

As for the Fish, I'm not sold on the "Cam Cameron Experience". That whole, "you guys coach, I gotta look at the players", gig in the last preseason game was bizarre. Don't HC's evaluate players during games anyway?

 

And is his first name Cameron, too? No, it's actually Malcolm. But is that any better? And shouldn't he be "Colm" Cameron, then? I don't know, I smell 6-8 wins wafting in from the sea.

 

SEA-ARI

 

Mike Holmgren went on record as saying it's tough enough to win a game, without an opponent videotaping your calls. At least now he's criticizing other HC's instead of the Zebra's.

 

 

DEN-OAK

 

Jay Cutler is a man. Two fourth and two's, one stick-throw and one run; both drive savers to win the game at BUF. People say he reminds them of John Elway. I say he reminds me of Jay Cutler. Wishing does not make it so, nor do I wish for Cutler to become better than Big Ben, but there's something about this guy, and it smells like money.

 

For some reason I think the Raiders have trumped the Akili Smith signing this week. While he has the physical tools a coaches drool over, I just don't see this guy ever being a franchise QB. I see a more muscular Aaron Brooks coming down the pike. Not a guy who will make a bad team better, but a guy who will make average teams terrible. I don't know what it is. There's no good reason to believe Russell won't be at least very good. Yet I'm not buying. Besides, paying a rookie $60mm is just insane.

 

JERSEY/B-BAL

 

Kellen Clemens to start? Who would have thought the Jets would be looking at a Chad Pennington injury this season. We all did, that's who. I don't think JETS fans even bet the games any more, they just bet the over under for when Pennington goes on IR. This is my sleeper pick to sign Byron "The Earl of" Sandwich. I know signing Leftwich  would be a news-making event, but I think Mangina likes QB's who can throw the long out, or at least the short out, which means Chad is left out.

 

And finally, has Steve McNair (the Warrior) finally lost the tools to go to battle? There have been enough people asking that question recently to at least mention it. But noooooooooo. Here's what we know about the Alcorn State Ares.

 

One, he will get injured at least six to 8 times this season.

 

Two:  at least one of those injuries will see McNair limp back onto the field with one of limbs duct taped to his body.

 

Three: He will start slowly in the first few games, as he always does.

 

Four: Until January, McNair will find some way, somehow, to rip the hearts out of 10-12 opponents every season. The guy's just a winner, a regular season winner, that is.

 

Erma, you kill me. You must have picture of one of the Fox webmasters having sex with a goat or some woodland critter. It's the only logical explanation for your most recent (or any) pee-rant getting BOTD.

I just skimmed your most recent whine and cheese party (veiled as  critique of the BCS ranking system). Once again, you tried to deliver sports content and failed like Billy Martin claiming he would prove Mike Vick's innocence.

Sure you did a wonderous job of complaining, no doubt because your USC Condoms weren't at the top of the BCS Dogpile. But even my Siberian Huskies can bark when they hear noises they don't like. Yet Fox never gives them BOTD for their vituperitous nature.

Yet, the rant wasn't enough. You had to add the mere implication of an NFL style playoff tournament as an alternative solution. That's proof positive of your absence of sports knowledge and critical ineptitude. Have you counted the number of D1 College Football teams, Erma? Sure, anything's possible, but how effective would a "Denslow Cup" long playoff format be in determining a real College Football Champion? Aside from the logistical improbability, what is the likelihood that the best team could "win out" over an egregioulsy extended playoff series? It's about as likely as you're being able to defend your "Doug Williams was a scab, blunder, or your Mike Vick will walk, embarassment.

Now you'll scramble to tell us how you didn't say that the NFL format was a "real" solution; just that the BCS was making it look better by comparison. And that assertion would be true. There's only one problem with that approach, it leaves your diatribe glaringly absent one little piece; a solution.

And that's what makes it less a BOTD and more a 3rd grade essay.

Look, Fox will hand you BOTD one out of every 2-3 days by rote. In the words of the soon to be great Mike Tomlin,  "they do what they do". So why not leave the writing to the writers and do what you best; pirate and parrot puff pieces. Please.

Pardon me for being a little bit stunned. But the Commish says so, which means the Pats are perps. What stuns me is not that the cheating claim is true, but that it's the Pats who did it. If it had been a perennial  doormat trying to gain an edge, it would make a little more "sense". But NE, and the genius, against the J E T S, Jets?

If I was a betting man. I'd have bet the house that the Pats wouldn't cheat to beat the Jets, or any other team for that matter. But they did. And now we find that it isn't the first time they've been caught. Turns out the NFL warned them already about using the same tack against the Pack.

Looks like Roger Goodell's legal experience is coming in handy because the NFL has no shortage of miscreants to offer up for ajudication. But this is a whole new ball game, when teams are now on the stand.

So what next? Can Rough-Guy Roger afford to take it light on one of the NFL's showpiece franchises? Or is he compelled to make an example of a team that (evidently) believes that merely raiding the free agent talent pool doesn't get the job done nowadays.

Well, here's what we know. What was once renowned as one of the classiest organizations deserves to be reviled as one of the cheesiest. What on earth were they thinking?

The rumor is that the Pats will be exposed to the loss of multiple draft choices. That's a good idea, it's almost standard fare for teams that violate league rules. But is that enough. I don't think so.

How can a commissioner who suspends players for entire seasons because their conduct gives the league a black eye, afford to be lenient on a team that cheats to win?

Yes, the loss of draft picks is potentially very damaging. But I have to stress the "potentially" aspect. Draft picks go bust too often. And a fine? Fines don't hurt teams like they hurt players. Teams just raise ticket prices. Fans pay fines, not teams.

So what do we do to send the message to the Pats? I say we put 'em on playoff probation. College teams get the postseason "sit-down" for infractions all the time. After all, we hit players where it hurts most, in the game check. If we can suspend Tank Williams and Pac-Man for a season and send Mike Vick to purgatory, we really ought to hit a franchise where it hurts the most too, in the post-season. Because the Pats won't miss a beat if they can't draft WR's, they'll just pour a few million on Randy and Dante and move forward. And the NFL could fine them 50 million dollars, which their loyal fans will beg to pay if they can only get tickets.

But the playoffs? Now that would hurt. And hurt it should.

"No tolerance" means "no tolerance" for everybody.

So I took some heat for saying the Moss move was overrated. Evidently, the NFL held the SB yesterday and the Pats won the Trophy with Randy Moss taking home MVP honors.

Get a grip folks.

I understand that anytime one voices opinions, many will disagree. But some of the responses were kinda silly. I guess the ether made some forget that the mere possibility exists that the Jets simply aren't that good (like I said) and the Pats (and Moss) simply had a great game.

Not like it's a sixteen game season with 15 games left and  then the post season, huh?

But you geniuses are right. Randy Moss turned back time and erased a history of being a team cancer, no one will expose the facts that NE can't run the ball, and every QB in the NFL has the same 3-yard pop-gun as Pennington. The Pats LB's are all 25 again, the Jets WR's are a juggernaut, Richard Seymour means nothing to the Pats D, and of course one game "does a season make".

What I can't understand is how the Steelers thumped the Browns yesterday and didn't at least win a Division title? I mean they won by 27, and the Pats only won by 24.

How do you think the Indianapolis Colts feel? They whipped the Aints by 31, and didn't even get a WC birth.

So for all those "bold" geniuses who had the nerve to put themselves out on a limb and offer an opinion after the fact . . . . .

Get back to me in week 8, you bozos.

Now come the 5 months for which we wait seven months every year. The time when our best available type of modern gladiators suit up and demonstrate all the vicissitudes of human existence in a childs game, played by adults on a field and in the hearts of men.

Forget about the part-timers, the adolescent-filled, rah-rah, sis-boom-bah, watered down, version played at the collegiate level. Forget the desperation that makes us tune into the CFL for as long as we can tolerate the silliness of three downs and a rouge. Forget about the half game called Arena ball. The real thing is here now. The offseason headlined by sickness and depravity is over. Let the games, the only games that matter, begin.

All that said, here are some subplots from some noteworthy games today.

CHI-SD

Here are two teams destined to fall off this year. I'm sorry SD fans, you have a load of talent and the best young QB I've seen since God knows when. But you also have Norv Turner. And at some point this season, the Chargers will begin looking like a team full of inmates running the asylum. Nowhere to go but down for SD.

Da' Bears-I don't see either NFC finalist making it back this year. No, I'm not hatin' on Rex, I just see the NFCN getting a little better and Lovie Smith continuing to struggle to establish an offensive identity for the Bears. I think Lovie says the right things about Grossman, but I'm not sure he's sold on his QB.

And I think the Bears made a huge mistake letting Ron Rivera go.

Packers-Eagles

GB's defense will be the heart of the Packers, not the worn out, tired, game-busting act of crybaby Favre. That's good for Pack fans. The bad news is the primadonna refuses to retire and cede the job to (finally ready) Aaron Rodgers.

In Philly, it's the beginning of a swift end to the Donovan McPuke era. Ther's little question that Eagles have grown tired of the increasingly brittle, big game, human barf-box of a QB who never fit in the system into which he was forced. Don't be surprised to see big 5 on the big bench by game 12. The Eagles are getting older and talent thin on both sides of the line. That spells trouble for veteran choke-dog, QB's. Still, Jimmy Johnson will have the D playing hard in a very soft division.

Panthers-Rams

Yes the Panthers are over-rated, again. But maybe Jake Delhomme is capable of another unconscious season. Tthen again, maybe he's got Kurt Warner syndrome, meaning the aliens have returned his real body and taken the pod back. Who cares? Carolina simply isn't that talented.

And the Rams? Please. If one more talking head predicts the return of the "greatest show on turf" I'm going to "McNabb" in my helmet. Here's why; The rams no longer have Faulk, Holt and Bruce are old, and Bulger is not the "alien" Kurt Warner. Bulger reminds me a lot more of Neil O'Donnell than the Kurt Warner pod. That's why the Rams kick FG's now.

KC-HOU

Herman Edwards will make huge strides towards creating his own identity for the Chiefs. The bad news is that means kicking FG's and losing in the first round of the playoffs. I love Herm as a person, but he's not a top flight HC.

The Matt Schaub era begins in HOU. That means things will be better for Texxon fans. But they're still the Texans, and one good personnel decision doesn't cancel out the lingering legacy of Tony Boselli, and wasted moves like Mario Williams and Ahman Green. Will they be better, yes. Contenders, no.

DET-OAK

Luke McCown, Josh McCown, Cade McNown, Les Brown and his Band of Renown, who cares? They all suck at QB. Of course, any time Adam Schefter reports something, I only believe it if it's already happened. But here's what matters, it'll probably be about 2 quarters before we see Duante Culpepper under center. What bothers me is that Lane Kiffin is so sissyfied that he feels like a career nobody with mor reps is a better bet than a vet who has put up some great numbers in the past. Hell, I probably know the Raiders offense better than Culpepper, but Kiffin didn't call on me this Sunday.

John Kitna will put up big numbers and still be a loser. Here's why. He's Jon Kitna. And can Detroit stop anyone from scoring?

PIT-CLE

Charlie Frye is counting the minutes until Romeo Crennell goes to Brady Quinn. So are Browns Fans. Jamaal Lewis is soft, but Quinn will have some weapons. I doubt he'll save Romeo's job though. Bill Cowher will have his dream job next year.

I see the Steelers struggling with the "new" offense for the first 4-6 games, especially because of a suspect OL.  Colon is unproven, Simmons will wear down (AGAIN), Mahan is a huge upgrade over the one-legged Hartings but learning, Faneca is not going to play hard and had been getting blown up frequently the lst few years (hence the non-extension), and Smith has always been below average at LT.

But the D will be better. The big reason is the "loss" I keep hearing about in Joey Porter. In James Harrison the Steelers get a stronger, every down, every game player. Porter's most consistent performance in the last 5 seasons came from his jaw. And at least one of the two top picks at LB will be a beast. Maybe both.

This team could win 12 games, or 9, depending on how the OL comes together.

TEN v. JAX

VY will struggle. Teams will employ the Cunningham/Stewart/Vick defense and shout down his run options. He'll still be brilliant at times, but only against cellar dwellers.  TN will also not run the ball like they did last year as LenDale White develops into a pro RB. It's all necessary, though. The Tacks have to take a step or two back to go forward.

JAX will still be stellar on defense. But the whole Leftwich fiasco will expose the fact that when you have two QB's, you really have none. Garrard never took the job from Leftwich and has been downright horrible at times. Until Jax drafts or signs a QB, they're not a playoff team.

TB-SEA

TB rests squarely on the oft injured Carnell Williams. Jeff Garcia is not a long term answer, nor are any of the 17 other QB's in TB. The D will be good as always. Simeon Rice will not be missed. This is an average football team, with a tremendously overrated (Switzer Rule) coach.

Seattle has a superstar running back with a chronic broken foot and a QB with a bum shoulder attached to a gimp arm. Yuk. The crybaby coach rushing to make excuses for underperforming players doesn't help either.

NE-NYJ

The addition of Randy Moss is the most overrated FA addition since Yancey Thigpen to TEN. The run game is suspect, and Tom Brady has a chronic shoulder that will not get better with time.

The D is also getting older at LB and very thin at  DL and DB. This team is not the SB gimme the gabbers are gabbing about.

Jersey B will suffer from a Mangini-over this year. QB problems will ensue as Pennington continues to struggle with throws over 3 yards. Vilma is a beast and the D will be solid, but this team just lacks tools on offense.

ATL-MIN

The good news is that the Falcons are finally playing  a QB at QB. The bad news is that it's Joey Harrington. But the Falcons will be better with Joey than Michael. Write it down. Not because Harrington is that good, but because Vick was the most overrated "QB" ever. I don;t knwo what to expect from Petrino defensively, but I know that JM Jr. had lost his team on both sides of the ball. I can't see the D being any worse.

Big story in MIN was that Travaris Jackson called Peyton Manning this pre-season. I could call the Pope, but it wouldn't make me a priest. What on earth is Brad Childress smoking? Then he trades for a career rumdum like Holcomb? The situation in MIN proves the old saying, "when you have no QB's, you have no QB".

BAL-CIN

The Ravens will be tough on D. They will also be tough on their fans when thay have the ball. The addition of Willis McGahee is a question mark for me, mostly because I wonder that knee will last 4-5 seasons. McNair got hot last year, but he's clearly not what he used to be.

CIN will always be a play or two from 12-4 or 4-12. This team simply lacks character all over the place. Marvin Lewis needs to start running a football team instead of a halfway house.

DAL-NY

What's the over under on how long Jerry Jones will kid himself into thinking Wade Phillips is a HC? I give him two seasons to completely waste the talent haul Parcells built in DAL. and Pardon me, Tony Romo, you've played 5 good games. So did Scott Mitchell.

Is this Eli's make it or break it year? No. Manning will be better. It is Tom Coughlin's make it or break it year, though. Bill Cowher should send Coughlin, Crennel, Wilson, and Turner fruit baskets now, for exploding his market cap.

MIA-WAS

Does anyone care? Does anyone want to see Joe Gibbs destroy his legacy? Does anyone want to see a Miami team without a guy named Shaquille on it?

DEN-BUF

Trent Edwards is the franchise QB in Buffalo. Someone please tell JP Loseman he should pack his bags now. Dick Jauron will drive Bill Cowher's stock even higher.

DEN-This is the SB team no one says is going to the dance. The D will be above average, but the O could be explosive. Cutler might yet be the best of the Rivers, Roth, Cutler trio. And don't underestimate Shanahan, ever.