Stunning Scandals

Those Bastards!

This week, a popular website, TSG.com "the Smoking Gun" blew the lid off the Pittsburgh Steelers Hotel rider demands, revealing such evil requests as filet mignon for trainers and foam pillows for Dan Rooney. Good heavens, what on earth is wrong with those Steelers? I'm ashamed to admit that I also enjoy the occasional cut of tenderloin and use foam pillows as well. This puts me in the same sick, sorry state as those dispicable Steelers. I mean really, where do they get the nerve.

Oh, wait, I know where they get the nerve. They frickin' pay for this stuff. I guess the responsible sensationalists at TSG.com forgot to mention that the Steelers, like any other NFL team, pay for their accomodations. And since I'd wager a pillow or two that they aren't staying at Motel 6, they're paying a premium for the space. What really cheeses me off is the idea though, that treating equipment managers every bit as well as the players is somehow a bad thing.

What happened to the 90's? Back when media oulets cooed at the 49er brass for treating everyone in the organization as 1st class. I'd love to see that Hotel rider. Too bad TSG wasn't up and rubbing rhubarbs back then. They'd have "blown the lid off" that "scandal" too.

Mike Sick

The Good news is: The most exciting shitbox in the NFL is going to Federal Prison. Sorry Al Sharpton and (mysteriously absent) Jesse Jackson, double standards run out of gas when you cross the DC border. Just like I said months ago, when Erma4USC was rattling away more boneheaded drivel about how Vick would walk, Vick will have two choices, more jail or less jail. Erma, as usual, couldnt have been more wrong, and Mexico couldn't be more deserving of a little rest in the pokey. Of course, there's a 50% chance that Vick will be arrogant enough to think he's OJ or Kobe, and can buy his way out of this. There's also an astronomical chance that Vick is stupid enough to disregard the fact that he's up against the major leagues of punishment, whereas OJ and Kobe faced the Keystone Kops.

Me, I've been hoping all along that he goes to trial. I'd like nothing more than to figuratively see his exciting carcass swing from a tree with a pitchfork in his ass (thank you Michael Richards). And that's how it ends if he goes to trial. My second favorite scenario is that he waits at least until next week to make a decision. The next indictment will include racketeering charges,  and the stakes will go from 6 years to twenty. No matter what, the Feds have this scumbag dead to rights, and his choices are bad or worse. Couldn't happen to a better guy. I expect a plea soon, but it doesn't keep me from hoping.

WTF?

Once again, I'm appealing to the FoxBlog ruling class to make a change. I noticed some fluffy declarations about "changes" in the Fox blog policies, particularly realted to post counts. But still the brass not so deftly avoided submitting tangible criteria for BOTD awards.

So I have to ask; is that all you got? When Lisa/Erma4USC spills her recycled (much less) drivel do you guys just say; awww that's a cute picture even if she does have a mustache, let's give her BOTD. I dont get it guys. Bluegrass lady is ten thousand times hotter, actually writes rather than recycles, and even discusses sprots on occasion. But you're not pandering to her.

WTF? Does Erma have pictures of you guys having sex with a goat or something? Because short of that, there's no logical explanation. No the site is not exactly the Harvard Law Review, but there are actually some pretty decent writers here, just not any you choose to publicize or recognize.

Here's the truth folks, only insecurity celebrates incompetency. It's the mushroom theory that rules here; keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em shit.

Fox, you're feeding us shit and keeping us in the dark about it! What are you afraid of, where's some recognition for Dudski, Hardiman, Bluegrass, or even little old me. What about Mean, Cuz, His Dan-Ness, Justanotherhat and anyone else who isn't jacking Erma Bombeck or Andy Rooney so they'll have something to type every day?  Kenrick Thomas? He's a good kid, and I know he'll get better, but Jesus, he's almost always one noun and one verb short of a sentence. And by the way, stop burying my posts even though they get "most recent comments" and "highest number of comments" often.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. As always, I'll be on BlogTalkradio from 6-7 EST this afternoon for those who care to continue the discussion.

DarkKnight Sports

By the way, I'm looking for a co-host. But not someone who just agrees with me. If you'd like to give it a whirl, just message me through my profile site.

It's like Roberto Duran said, when he threw up his hands and quit that night (facing Ray Leonard). "No mas".

It's time to say "no mas" to the hypocrites (yes, Curt) the hypocrites who have been crying out that we shouldn't be spending money prosecuting the most exciting piece of garbage in NFL history for dog fighting. Ok Curt, you got your wish. the Feds will almost certainly include conspiracy and racketeering. Which, if the backsliders had done their homework would be what they were writing about. Because when the superceded indictment is handed down, conspiracy and racketeering will be on the slate of felony counts Vick has to face. The worst of which by the way, is Vick's bankrolling an interstate gambling operation, which falls under the RICO act. For those of you unfamiliar with RICO, look it up. It means Vick is facing 20, not six, for racketeering alone. So guess what Gangsta QB Luvvas. Your OG QB is one SOL gangsta, and he's going to be prosecuted like one.

And it's gonna be too sweet when the shit-box takes a 5-year deal to save his ass from getting out of jail facing his 45th birthday. TOOOOOOOOO SWEEEEEEEEEET.

That's what will make all the blatant shuck and jive of Demonicume (Bojangles) and his caste from peddling the sorry assed "why don't they prosecute real criminals?" whine.

The "real criminals" jig . . .

Here's why Curt. They do. They just don;t convict them. It's just that the same scum that beat rape and murder charges hire the same Lawyers that Mike Vick is paying to beat the rap. It's the same game, Curt. Spend a ton of money, rig the jury, put the victims on trial, discredit the witnesses, file a billion dismissal motions, a million evidentiary withholdings, obfuscate the facts, bring in dazzling expert BS artists, befuddle a jury of unemployed, undereducated, biased jurors, add a liitle water and the defendant goes free.

In cases of unprosecuted rape, 80% of the failure to prosecute is because the witness is unwilling to even report the crime, much less testify. Even if they do, some scumbag courtroom whore will jump at the cahnce to put the victim on trial. Kind of like Kobe's lawyer did. Remember?

No, Curt. You didn't remember. You didn't even mention it in your "drunken blog." Here's why. It blows your tap dance to smithereens. It calls you on the carpet for celebrate the dismissal of murderers and rapists, just because they're black. It shows the prejudice you practice. The liberal fascism of " and justice for, but only if it ain't a brutha."

You and all your co-whiners, are every bit as guilty of the same disgraceful maneuvering as the soul-less moneygrabbers who spend their best efforts making sure that the scum you keep crying should be in jail, walk free.

Your'e playing both ends against the middle, Curt and Co. You can't rejoice when scum like OJ and Kobe walk because they worked the system, and then cry foul because criminals aren't getting "justice".

 . . . .and justice for all Curt, not some . . .

The fact is folks, you don't get to choose which crimes are prosecuted. You only get to choose who submits and votes on the laws and punishments of the land. Vick broke the law(s). Very serious laws, with very serious punishments. He will admit his guilt, in front of a judge, because he's going to do what he's always done, get the best deal for Ron Mexico. Then he will go to prison, and you will cry foul because we finally got one. Because the system you're complaining is failed, actually worked, but it didn;t work in your favor.

So do us all a favor.

Quit the righteous indignation act.

Quit using unpunished crime as an excuse to not punish crime.

Admit that you're playing both ends against the middle.

Call a criminal a criminal, and let the law of the land do its work (for once).

So let's all just say "No Mas" to this idiotic BS. The poor Mike Vick brigade has a sick and blatantly obvious agenda. It's Al Sharptons prosecute whitey but give a brutha a break program.

Nice Conk, Al

We live in a country with plenty of resources to prosecute every perpetrator. It's the willingness to pour money on the scurrilous moneygrabbers who spend every working second working the system that's the problem.  And those are the guys working for Mike Vick right now.

So the shame lies at the feet of Vick, his laywers, and all those who dare to decry the absence of law enforcement, unless it fits their social agenda. The cops aren't to blame. You are.

Some work the system, some get worked over by the system, and every now and then some just get what they have coming.

So would I adopt a pit bull, Curt? If I had $130mm with which to work, I'd be adopting every abused dog, cat, goat, rabbit and gnu, for starters, to make sure that garbage like Vick could never get his hands on them.

If you ask which team was the greatest in NFL History, my answer comes swiftly; The 1970's Pittsburgh Steelers. But if you ask me which was the greatest team in pro football, I'll spit out the name "the Cleveland Browns".  It's perhaps the most difficult admission I make about pro football.  Ever since Joe "Turkey" Jones spiked my all time favorite QB head first into the turf. The name "Cleveland Browns" is anathema. I'd venture to state that most Steeler fans feel the same, as that one defining incident created a hatred that lives past its memory.

Nonetheless, no one can dispute what Paul Brown's Browns achievement over a ten year span. Browns AAFC and NFL teams went to ten consecutive championships games and won nine. Kind of makes you wonder why no one mentions Otto Graham alongisde Unitas, Bradshaw, Montana, etc. But that's another blog.

While many football fans do not know of Brown's achievements as coach, (known as the father of the modern offense), perhaps his greatest achievement was the tree of coaches that sprang from his organization. That's why hearing commentators repeatedly discuss Bill Walsh's "West Coast" offense and the Walsh coaching tree sounded so familiar. Paul Brown was no slouch at producing HC's either, among them: Noll, Shula and a guy named Walsh. Walsh spent eight years working for and learning from Paul Brown.  Ironically, only to be passed up for the Head Coach job in favor of Bill Johnson, Brown's hand picked heir, who lasxted three seasons. Walsh said only two things about being passed over, one was that he understood that Brown wanted more of a disciplinarian and two, that his eight years with Brown were the most important experience in his life.

So Walsh moved on to Stanford, and then to revive a doormat in SF, not just restoring respectability but establishing a model for excellence that won 3 SB's under his tutelage and two more with his hand picked successor. He is renowned as having devised an offense that every NFL teams uses, at least in some part, today. Walsh, unlike Shula, Noll, Parcells and a few others knew that his meaningful coaching life would last about a decade, and left the game at its pinnacle.

And all those things in mind, this was not what I thought made Walsh a legend. What made Walsh so important to the game was his commitment to learn and teach, constantly. That's the irony in Paul Brown's curse on the Browns. Brown insisted that the Browns needed toughness and brawn at the top spot. But what Walsh took from Brown and built into legend was the science of the game, the psychology of men, the teaching and the learning, and the "good men who are good players doctrine".

Yes, Bill Walsh developed a short passing game that neutralized the old upfield pass rushes. But few know that he also designed the protocol of profiling players who had been successful at given positions and drafting by design, rather than chemistry. Yes Bill Walsh was know for having finesse offenses, but few remember that all of his championship squads had tremendous, physical defenses. Yes Bill Walsh was known as an intellectual and innovator, but few knew that his favorite hobby was boxing. It was his boxing mindset that had much to do with the design of the WC offense and the success of his teams overall.

Walsh knew that boxers, in order to win, had to be the aggressor, had to beat the other guy to the punch. Every time, if only by a fraction. As a team, the 49'ers job was to beat the other team just a little bit, on every play. Walsh saw the game as a boxing match, not one where you could throw haymakers on every punch, but one where you win the war by attrition. He understood that that war was won with character, motivation, persistence, and flawless execution. It was no mistake, that Walsh's great teams often appeared to let the opponent hang around until the mid 3rd quarter and then blew games open. It was no mistake that they all believed in each other and believed in him.

So when I think of Bill Walsh, the WC offense is one of the last things that comes to mind. I think of a man who taught other men how to be successful. I think of a man who was grateful for the experience of working with the first NFL genius, rather than bitter when he was passed over to succeed him. I think of a man who was both intellectual and pugilist simultaneously. He was a man ho gave to the game what the game always needed, shaping new approaches out of timeless principles. And that was genius.

Ultimatley, Bill Walsh, with his heart and his mind made the lives of those he touched, and even those he didn't, better. Bill Walsh lived a life of purpose. God rest his soul.

One of my favorite NFL Network Commercials is the "time to get your story straight" ad. The one where they show the pre-season commentary from everyday fans that ends up completely backwards. Statements like, "Mark my words, this is Cleveland's year" come to mind.

Nonetheless, I have the same right to go out on a limb and embarass myself too. So with that in mind, I'm going to post my crow now and eat it later. So here are my predictions for noteworthy developments in the upcoming season of the greatest show on turf. (The NFL, not just the Rams).

McNabb McChoked

1. Donovan McNabb is auditioning for his next team. With a rash of injuries, hurried rehab, no contract extension, and huge cap numbers looming, McChoke is a ghost in Philly. Don't be surprised is Dumbavan struggles early and Felly/Kolb start splitting reps by week 3. Reid has ultimate confidence in Feeley. His decision to bench him for the playoffs a few years back cost the Birds a SB shot.

2. John Gruden will be the next big name coach to be fired. Tony Dungy's SB win last year solidified the fact that Gruden was a recipient of the Switzer (formerly known as the Seifert) Trophy in Tampa. That's the award you win when the coach before you builds a championship team that could win a SB with a blow up doll at HC. Gruden has put his stamp on the Bucs like Seifert did or the Panthers. Just remember, Jon, when you have seven QB's, you have no QB.

3. The Colts will not repeat. Their personnel losses mean they will score fewer points and other teams will score more points.

4. That "Write In" SB Trophy for the Pats is premature. The Pats have serious questions at RB and LB, two positions that tend to mean a great deal to playoff teams. Besides, Randy Moss never makes a team better. The fact that the Pats decided to retool via spending spree is a departure from what made them great anyway.

5. The Vikes are in serious trouble offensively. To paraphrase ex-ESPN analyst Joe Theismann; "the problem with having Tavaris Jackson as your QB is that Tavaris Jackson is your QB". The only thing more frightening than a season with Jackson under center is half a season with Brooks Bollinger under center.

6. Priest Holmes will come back successfully. Will he be the Priest of old, maybe not quite. Will he make Larry Johnson trade bait? Yes.

7. Just like Bill Cowher used to coach great teams into mediocrity, Norv Turner will coach a very good team into ineptitude. The wheels may not come completely off this year in SD, but if the Chargers win ten and even sneak into the second season, it will be a blessing to the town that gave us Jimmy Durante.

8. The same Dallas Cowboys who cursed Parcells on the way out the door, will be wishing for another new coach after ten weeks of Wade Phillips. Wade is not a winning HC. Watching him mishandle the talent that Parcells assembled in Dallas is going to be ugly. Jerry Jones is starting to look more and more like Dan Snyder every day.

9. The fear of the QB formerly known as "Joey" in Atlanta is earth-shattering overkill. Harrington has slightly better career stats than his predecessor and is sacked far less often. Few people bother to remember that, despite the NFL's best run game by a wide margin, Vick is the most sacked QB in the NFL. Sacks kill drives and give field position away, kids. With a QB at QB, even "Joseph", the ShitBirds are immediately better off offesnively.

Mike Vick's Next Training Camp

10. Mike Vick no longer possesses that "escapability" that NFL announcers so often waxed about. (Actually, if you look at Vick's sacks per attempt, even nearly-crippled Peyton Manning has much better "escapability".) Vicks' real escapability, though will start to be tested Monday, when at least one of his co-defendants will plea-out and (without doubt) offer replete and damning testimony on Ron Mexico's leadership in his dog-killing ring. He did esacpe one thing though, his Nike Contract.

11. Vince Young will struggle as teams begin to employ the Cunningham/Stewart/Vick defense against him. Despite the Tacks excellent ground game, Young will be forced to become effective from the pocket. I'm not saying he won;t learn how to play the position in the NFL, but his real learning curve wil decelerate as teams get to know him.

12. The Panthers will continue to be overrated. I don't need to explain this.

13. JaMarcus Russell is already benched until year two. With no contract in sight, the guy who most needs TC on the team that most needs a QB, can not even dare to play him this year. He'd have a better rookie year if the RayDuhs put him in a giant blender.

14. Nobody cares if Michael Strahan holds out. He's an aging star on a team in transition at many skill positions. Coughlin is done and Bil Cowher will either end up here or in Cleveland depending on Romeo Crennel's progress.

15. The Cro-Magnon in a cheerleader suit returns. Just when we thought cerebral guys like Mike Nolan were the new wave of HC's, look for some "I wanna win now" owner to hire the Missing Link to continue the commitment to mediocrity he pioneered in Pittsburgh. I truly believe that Cowher will end up in Cleveland, though. He's a Schotty Disciple from the Brown days, played ball there and knows like no one else, how to lose big games at home. The fit is perfect. It's clear that Al Lerner knows a good deal more about window-shopping than trap-blocking. Don't rule out Dan Snyder, though. I think Gibbs will finally admit that he never regained the edge he lost before his first retirement.

16. Matt Schaub will make the Texans better. Unfortunatley, that means they'll be mediocre.

17. The Steelers will have some growing pains under Mike Tomlin. It's likely that part of the transition will see the Steelers shedding  overpriced, over-the-hill and underperforming LB's like Farrior and Haggans along with the 52 Defense Cowher adored for so long. Don't be surprised to see a lot more 4-3 looks right away with either Woodley or Timmons in a 3-point stance, and eventually the combination of Timmons and Woodley on the outside with Harrison in the middle of a 4-3 alignment.

18. Byron Leftwich will play his last season in JAX. Despite DelRio's politically correct speak, he's clearly not a Leftwich believer. I don't think he's a Garrard believer either. The Jags aren't convinced Culpepper will ever be healthy, though. Don't be shocked if Jake Plummer ends up in Jagland, or the Jags draft a young QB and sign a make-due vet next year.

Old enough to QB, but can't buy beer.

19. The big problem in KC is not LJ, it's BC. Handing the QB job to a guy whose had two incredible preseasons is a risk. Handing the job to a guy whose had two pretty good preseasons is a symptom of psychosis. Hasn't Herm Edwards learned that the QB does matter. Did he forget about his job with the Jets?

20. Trent Green will start in Miami and get hurt again. Who's backing him up again? It may as well be Joey Porter, because Porter will at least enjoy running his mouth in the huddle.

Those are just a few insights into what I'm expecting in NFL 2007.

Let's hear your thoughts

In the words of the great philosophe Dehbashi, "I couldn't be happier". Fox sent me on a paid leave of absence for posting some "controversial" content (not that there's anything wrong with soccer), and I come back to see that almost all is right with the world. Here's why:

1. The NFL Season fast approaches. The seven barren months are soon to be over.

Hell, even "Basketball Duds" did a piece on Quarterbacks. A fantastic piece by the way. A few clowns jumped in to throw salt in his game, but who cares? I loved it. I'll forgive a few errors for outstanding content anyday

Duds, that was ESPN page 2 stuff, all day long. Kudos my man!!!! Keep NGS hope alive!!!

2. The scumsucking, shitbox, retard in Atlanta is a few phone calls away from being a free agent that no team, except the CB4 All Stars, will touch.

I warned you guys. I hate to say I told you how it would go down, but I told you exactly how it would go down.

Now here's what happened/will happen (write this down Lisa, maybe you can steal something right for a change).

Arthur Blank returns from Africa, calls a very powerful attorney friend and asks that friend to call the US Attorney.

The powerful friend calls the Assistant US Attorney and asks him one question; "are you guys gonna put this kid away"? The AUSA says "look, the guy couldn't have been more  jailworthy if he sold videos of himself beating up old ladies in wheelchairs while they were getting chemotherapy. We're not only gonna put him in jail, we want to put him in jail and we have to put him in jail.

Powerful friend calls back Artie and says; "The kid is toast, and not because he's toast colored, either. He's going away.

Blank huddles with his PR people to deliver the news and get their spin. The PR guys say "Art, there is no spin, shed this punk like a bad $130mm habit. He's gonna make your team the most hated franchise in sports history. The only thing you should be thinking about is how you can get the government to freeze his assets so you can recover some of the money you burned."

Blank calls Roger Goodell and says, "I want to suspend the kid, okay?" Goody says "Unless you're suspending him by a rope from a tree, let me handle this. You guys sat on your asses long enough. Leave it to me and the Feds. You wanna have a Press Conference to save face, go ahead, it's good for the league. But I can't trust you to take appropriate action."

The NFL conducts an investigation and suspends Vick indefintely pending the results of the case.

Vick either takes a plea or continues to be a psychopath (thinks he's above the law) fights the charges and earns triple the jail time he would have gotten with the plea. Either way, he's gone for at least 2-3 seasons in the best case scenario. 2-3 seasons for the NFL's worst technical QB to get rusty, older and slower. Then, for giggles, he tries a comeback and finds few takers for an ex-con who wouldn't even take responsibility for his reprehensible conduct. If he's lucky, he ends up at RB in the CFL, where he belonged in the first place.

There is a God, and he's watching out for the defenseless ones. I feel like I won the lotto. 

3.  BALCO is running out of liars for Barry

Yes it's true, there are cracks in the Balco armor. It can only get better from here. My guess is that some AUSA has Barry's picture taped to his mirror, and is squeezing the crap out of every lowlife that ever so much as passed the BALCO labs, to get the drop on Mr. May. Granted, Barry isn't as stupid as Mike Vick (he never told his mistress his name was John Canada, at least) but he's still at least sociopathic (again, thinks he's above the law) and he has a few enemies.

I loved the fact that Schilling called him out, but I'm gonna love the fact that sooner or later, someone higher up inside BALCO is going to get his taxes audited and then have to choose whether he or Barry gets indicted. Guess who loses? I only hope it's the same day Bonds hits 754. Then, I'll wet myself laughing.

4. No more Kobe v. Shaq Christmas Day Games. Thank you David Stern. Kobe has done the impossible. He's managed to make the most gifted player in the game, for the first time, totally irrelevant. Yes, we can argue about the George Gervin's and Pete Maravich's of their time, but they never singlehandedly turned a 3-time championship team into a playoff wannabe. If anything, those guys were the lone stars on some bad teams, who wanted great players around them. Kobe had great players around him, but wanted to get rid of them so he could be the lone star. He got it and now the Lakers are a joke.

Meanwhile, Shaq is already preparing for his life after b-ball. He's helping fat kids get thin in the offseason, now that's irony. But we have to face facts. D-Wade is the leading man in Miami. Shaq may stil be the most accounted for player in the NBA, but he's no longer the most dominant. I'm looking forward to seeing LeBron and Dwade on Santa's day. That's a pretty nice gift compared to an aging superstar and a perpetually petulant pisspot primadonna.

5. The Missing Link is gone!!! Long Live Mike Tomlin!!!

It took 15 years of suffering to get rid of the rotting berry of the Schotty Bush and replace him with the glowing, intellectual fruit of the Noll Tree. I almost don't care how we do in Pittsburgh this year,  (okay that's stupid) but I will suffer some growing pains with an intelligent, teaching coach, rather than flame out in January because an overpaid, overly-ugly cheerleader had no clue how to get a team ready for a big game.

I'm not jumping the gun on Tomlin, but I think he's in a great position to succeed with a franchise QB (with a full season to recover from his trauma), some gifted young players and a handful of vets to tie over the transition. I was disappointed that he didn't  junk Cowher's 52 (Okie) defense. But looking back it's the right move (personnel-wise) for at least this year. All in all the guy impresses me.

Now let the games begin.  Oh, and by the way, tell them that the streets belong to the Batman.