I'm Los Angeles to the core. Born here, I'll die here.

Call me Randy Newman because I LOVE LA!!!

I Bleed Lakers Purple & Gold, Dodger Blue and USC Cardinal Red & Gold. I guess I should be happy the Dodgers are even IN the playoffs considering the last twenty years of mediocrity...but call me Mick Jagger cause I can't get no Satisfaction. I'm spoiled. I realize it. The rest of the nation hates L.A., can't say as I blame them. We are spoiled with great women, weather, food, entertainment, our economy is robust and mary jane is legal...believe it...you've seen Weeds on Showtime...hell, it's like I live in Agrestic. But we aren't without our problems. As I write this, I can smell the smoke from our latest wildfires here in the San Fernando Valley. We have gangs, grafitti, carjackings, homeless wingnuts walking around shouting at themselves. We're the bank robbery capital of the world...remember the North Hollywood bank robbery shootout? ...CRAZY THINGS happen here...Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris & Nicole, Martin Lawrence, Gary Busey, Dennis Rodman and Nick Nolte all live here...need I say more?

(Nick's vagrant mugshot look.)

As a sports city we have been blessed. It's a Lakers town, but the Dodgers have gotten Los Angelenos excited again with this playoff run. Getting Manny Ramirez revitalized the city. Look, I like the Angels and all, but it just ain't the same...they are down in Anahiem...not even in L.A. County, say hi to Gwen Stefani's family for me Mr. Moreno, I live in LA.

I'm talking about L.A....the Lakers, the Dodgers, Trojans football (and...for college basketball reasons, Ucla)...ALL of these teams are considered among the elite franchises of their respective sports and have multiple titles to show for it.

The problem is the recent title games. The Lakeshow has lost in their last two finals appearances. The Trojans lost the Rose Bowl to Vince Young and Texas...(it's STILL hard for me to look at Matthew McCaugnahy without wanting to snap his fingers so he can't throw up the Texas "horns" sign. But he DID smoke dope and play bongos naked -so I do have something in common with him)

Douchebagger.........

With the Dodgers melting like a snow cone on a skillet last night, I can't help but fear being let down again. The Lakers / Dodgers paralells are all there...young, talented, boosted by a midseason superstar aquisition (Manny this year, Pau Gasol for the Lakers last year)....and hungry for a title. Win or lose, I will fly my colors regardless.

But winning feels MUCH, MUCH better.

Do the Dodgers have the intestinal fortitude to dig deep and comeback from that 8th inning collapse? Our bullpen made a hero out of 40 year old Matt Stairs last game. I hear it was Canadian Thanksgiving and Stairs IS Canadian, but how much are we supposed to GIVE?Now I am only a few years away from 40, so I can appreciate an older guy (at least in sports terms) having success at this level, but not at expense of MY team?? Wasn't seeing P.J. Brown and that little turtle-head Sam "Enemy Mine" Cassell celebrate over my Lakers enough torture? What the hell is a Philly anyway? The Phillies...from Philadelphia.........Does that mean I should refer to myself as a LosAngelie? ....I'll leave that rant for another day. The Phillies are good, really good Jimmy Rollins is reigning MVP, Ryan Howard is a former MVP, Chase Utley is NAILS....but they're not beating the Dodgers....Shane Victorino and Matt Stairs are........WHO??? you say......exactly.

Time to step up Dodgers, it's been too long....1988 is a lifetime ago. Need inspiration? How's this?

Not enough?...how bout now?

Hit it like you MEAN it Dodgers!......2nd place is just that.

Los Angeles is behind you (pun intended). JUST DO IT. Do it for Sandy. Do it for Jackie. Do it for Walter O'Malley. Do it for the fans. Do it for Fernando. Do it for the city . Do it for YOURSELVES. Just do it.....If all else fails, do it for Tommy......

THINK BLUE!

 

With all the doom and gloom in America these days, financial crisis, stock market acting like a rollercoaster, negative political ads polluting our favorite tv shows and the general stress associated with work and daily life as a parent it's amazing that we even bother getting up in the morning. Elvis knew the allure of a bed. John Lennon and that bitch who shall remain nameless because she broke up the band understood it too. Howard Hughes liked it so much he locked himself in for years. Hugh Hefner doesn't even bother to get dressed .
We spend half our life in bed...

Wifey woke me up this morning at the crack of noon wanting a little one on one court time...... ..........The girl has her moments.

She said she was fixing me a little wake up breakfast with freshly squeezed OJ, scrambled eggs and lots of bacon but wanted me to look at something outside first.......

  She says, "Do you like it?" I smile, give her a kiss on the cheek and reply, "I do, thanks babe".
She dangles the key and suggests I start it up. The rumble of the engine is so powerful it shakes the ground. The self appointed block warden next door peers out her window in disgust.
I smile and wave, knowing full well we'll be moving soon due to the fact we won the Calipornia State Lottery two days earlier. My wife picks up the Sunday papers and pulls out the sports pages (since she knows I like to read those first). She notices there's an article about Jeanie Buss in the Times today. Jeanie is Phil Jackson's arm candy. She also happens to be Executive Vice President of the Los Angeles Lakers, a USC graduate and a Playboy centerfold.
Did I mention she's Lakers owner Dr. Jerry Buss'  daughter?...well, she is.
You gotta wonder how that negotiation went.........................

Dr. Buss: Phil, I'd like you to come coach the Lakers. We've got a roster with oodles of talent, but can't seem to perform in the playoffs. Come West young man and you can hobknob with celebrities, live in a mansion on the beach, enjoy the food, weather - OH, and I'll pay you 10 million dollars a year to tell the world's greatest atheletes what to do.

Phil: Throw in your Playboy Playmate daughter and you got yourself a deal.

 
Dr. Buss: Done.

The rest is history.

She informs me her Mother will be taking the kids today, so we're free to hang out and she wants to splurge and wants her friends to come along, I agree to the terms since she is so persuasive. After another session and a shower, her girlfriends show up eager to hit the shopping meccas, Melrose Ave. and The Beverly Center before a sushi brunch and a group trip to the massage parlor. So we all pile into the hooptie.

The car smells really good now.

After a day of tooling around LA, we get to Staples Center just in time for tipoff.
            The place is jumping.


 I say hello to my pals, all the usual suspects...




Even the halftime show is pretty entertaining.....



The game is close, lead changes with every bucket.
Bynum is having a monster game, 19 pts, 22 rebounds and 4 blocks.
Kobe's only got 18 pts, but  18 assists.
Fish hits a clutch three, Ariza gets a steal for a breakaway, Pau is hitting his midrange jumper and has 10 boards. Sasha is like a gnat, all over his man on defense even drawing a technical foul on the opposing guard for throwing elbows. Jordan Farmar puts in some productive minutes.

But where are Lamar, Walton and Borat Radmanovic you ask?
They're in Boston, the equivalent of basketball Siberia these days.
Why are they in Celtics green you say?
I'll answer that later...back to the game...

Down by two, Robert Horry, really only signed for nostalgic reasons is summons from the bench to inbounds the ball for one late play. The pass is inbounded to the Lakers draft pick this year, Joe Crawford out of Kentucky, who's had a nice game in a rare trip off the pine. He hits Gasol at the pinch post who swings the ball down low and faces up to the basket. He spots Kobe open in the corner who looks for the three but the defender covers ground too quickly. Surveying the floor, Mamba spots the Lakers newest acquisition cutting to the basket...the defender turned his head just long enough to allow the cutter a lane to the rack. He makes eye contact with Bryant and leaps skyward. The pass looks a little high and away but the new guy wants to make an impression in his first game in purple and gold and has the hops to make up for the placement of the alley oop pass. Time stands still.

After what seems like an eternity his fingertips snatch the rock out of the sky and he looks to hammer home a vicious rim rattler to bring the house down.......
But the ball caroms off the back of the rim.

He missed it.

The ball flies toward midcourt but Pau gets a hand on it . Enough to cause a change of direction.
Mamba swoops in to scoop it up...WHEW...but the clock is still running...5 seconds, 4 seconds..
Then he jacks it up.  Again, a long deafening silence...again a miss...Vlade slaps the ball towards midcourt, not knowing Horry is lurking up there. Big Shot Bob grabs hold of the loose ball and without hesitating launches a three with a hand in his face.....



Swish.

Great game.

Great day.

Great life.




Diddy seemed to enjoy himself.

The cheerleaders cheered


Oh yeah, I almost forgot to reveal the newest Lakers player, the one who missed the alley oop, Michael Cooper never missed an alley oop...
Must be the leftover chowder.
Welcome to L.A. KG, you can make up for it next game.

Back at home, the ball and chains friends long gone by now, I try to start up a little sumpn sumpn.
She smiles and says she has one more suprise for my birthday.
Her best friend from college is in town and the two of them want to give me a present .
We walk outside to the pool and meet her friend Ruth.....Hi Ruth! :-)


And then I woke up.

You down wit O.P.P.? 
Yeah you know Bleed.


Copyright 2008 Bleedpurplngold PulpedFiction Inc.







 

I love it here.

Even though I'm the dunce who pushed his luck with the powers that be, as so eloquently pointed out by Stevo on his latest blog (using a VERY familiar fellow: R.P. Mc Murphy, as a case study)...and dropped another pearl of wisdom with the line, "Even Jesus got censored" Good stuff Stevo, good stuff.

TheSizzle, a tenured black sheep blogger, questioned my existence, posting another example of my voltile nature in a video clip on his blog. I owe you a trip to the salad bar, steak and all you can eat shrimp and Malibu chicken Sizz...

Even the most mild mannered, friendly, polite, careful not to offend anyone (save Lions management), good guy, DownsA529 questioned what was happening.

I feel honored that so many even care about my fate.

Sometimes we all need a timeout to reflect on our mistakes.

When I "graduated" to the blog section of Fox Sports, it was after a couple of months spent on the dreaded front pages. I was the worst of the worst, spewing vicious words and horrible insinuations on anyone who disagreed with my sports takes. I was a bonafide TROLL,

 and DAMN proud of it. Then I ran into a particularly slimy looking fellow named nba is the worst. You may know of this guy. His bio told me of his superiority complex but I didn't care. I felt I knew it all and was eager to mix it up with this pompous guy. I ventured into uncharted waters....the blog pages...talk about fish out of water......


He explained to me that I was out of line with my vulgar language and unwarranted insults. At first I dismissed him as old and out of touch with the current times. We went round and round on his blog...he deleted quite a few of my comments, which in my twisted mind was a challenge. I then explained to him that I didn't care what he or anyone else thought, using current celebrity figures to prove my point.

Well, I may still Walk the Line like the Man in Black (God rest his soul), I may throw fits like John McEnroe in his prime. I may still over-react like Joe Pesci as Tommy in Goodfellas trying to amuse you...(or is it myself?) I may very well be the Howard Stern here, bound to get a slap on the wrist. Bound to get fined by the FCC. But like Ethel Merman, I Gotta BE ME.

I now call worst my friend. We don't agree on politics or language or proper grammer, but point is, he made me look in the mirror and I changed. Oh, I am still edgy and raw, but I am a whole lot tamer than I used to be. That is due to him. Thanks for opening my eyes worst. My Grandmother told me if you didn't learn something new every day, you wasted a day. Some will love you, some will hate you. But you can't please everyone all the time.

They want JOKERSMILD, not wild. SRMaverage, not genius. gambit-rated G, not xxx.

And if I'm gonna BleedPRPL&GLD, then by God wear a band aid to cover it up.

There is one constant in life.....change....I guess we have to get used to it, like it or not.