So here we are. History is staring us dead in the eye as Barry Bonds slugs his way to the great halls of immortality.

Historians and baseball traditionalists have decided that his pursuit of the all-time homerun record should be asterisk-laced due to the fact he MIGHT have taken steroids.

Of course, in this wonderful country of ours, you are innocent until proven guilty. But if a bloody glove and a pair of Bruno Magli shoes have taught us anything, it's that you shouldn't let evidence and facts get in the way of a good story.

Sure Bonds has bulked up faster than David Banner after someone pulls the "stop short" on a California freeway. But the fact remains that although steroids were deemed illegal by the U.S. government, Major League Baseball had no rules prohibiting its use.

In other words, if it ain't a rule, then it ain't unruly. (Didn't Yogi Berra say that in an Aflac commerical?)

Look, does anyone cry bloody murder when actors and actresses have cholonics in order to appear thinner on the red carpet? You don't hear housewives screaming at Cameron Diaz for looking so freggin' hot at the Oscars. But yet, the entertainer did what they had to do in order to keep up with popular culture.

What about when models are airbrushed in magazine ads? People, they don't really look like that. I mean, we accept it and leave the image in our minds for days, even weeks on end. Granted for some lonely guys out there, they've kept the same image of Latoya Jackson with a snake around her neck for the past 20 years. But to each his own.

The point is, entertainers do what they have to do to keep up with the joneses.

Here's another example: everytime a blockbuster movie comes out, it gains the title of highest grossing movie of all time, blah blah blah. Well, where the hell is the asterisk there? The price of movie tickets goes up every month. Of course Titanic is going to be better than anything from the 1960s. The tickets are a bagillion-times more expensive. (I'm not really sure if a bagillion is more than a gagillion, but you know what I'm driving at.)

The long and the short of it is, times change and so do the ways we measure greatness. It's all relative to the times we live.

Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a game. You don't think Kobe or Lebron or even Earl Boykins could score 100 points against those slow white guys with minimal lateral movement? Come on, people. You have to stop kidding yourselves. One killer cross-over dribble and Chip would have to get carried off the court with snapped ankles.

You think those part-time electricians and plumbers were in peak physical condition to consistently throw 92 mph-inside fastballs to Babe Ruth? Of course not! They played baseball part-time, then they'd run out and fix busted pipes in order to feed their children.

I don't think we'll see Arthur Rhodes leaving the park and head over to some lady's house to fix her toilet.

Not to mention he's not tired after the game. He's a relief specialist that might get one inning of work every other day. Probably goes into the weight room and works out afterward. He has trainers and special coaches that help him get better each time out.

So is there an asterisk after a Ruth homer that was hit off a pitcher that was 100lbs overweight, just got off the nightshift at the A&P and hadn't thrown a baseball in 4 days?

Deal with it, people. Bonds can hit. He hits the ball hard and he hits the ball deep. There ain't no cream, no clear and no plumber that can change that.

Ok, I admit it. There are things that annoy me and I can't help but speak out on them (hence the hater-ade line in my "About Me" thing). In fact, those who know me actually like to fuel my fire sort of speak and then sit back while I belt out line after line about anyone and anything. It usually snowballs into a lambasting of sort and once the simple comment becomes a heart-felt diatribe, I'm left with high blood pressure and a room full of awkward expressions.

With all this being said, here are a few topical things that I have an opinion on.

1. This season I decided to get the MLB Extra Innings package because of my Fantasy Baseball addiction and the fact that I've seen every episode of Everbody Loves Raymond, Friends and Sex in the City. Hey TBS, you can stop teasing me with all these back-to-back episodes. By the way, can you tell I live with my girlfriend? Unreal, we have 3 TVs in the house and somehow I wind up watching "What About Brian." Can someone please explain this to me? 

I digress.

My MLB Extra Innings package is the best thing since the NFL Ticket. But AMart, aren't they the same thing? Well, I'm glad you asked. In theory, yes they are they same thing. But the MLB package is more. So much more. It's on every night. There's always something to watch. If you want to see Zach Day make his Washington Nationals re-debut, flip it on! If you want to see Jamie Moyer pitch with a cane, FSN Northwest has the coverage. In other words, there's always something to watch regardless of Ross and Rachel being on a break or if Samantha's doing some guy in the bathroom or if... well, you get what I'm saying.

Ok, so what's the point? The point is that we can now fight back! I don't care anymore. What about Brian you ask? He's a Vito waiting to happen. If he asks for a tall stack of Johnny cakes next episode, don't say I didn't tell you so.

2. Speaking of my MLB package, the other day I watched the San Diego Padres and I almost had a heart attack.

Quick history lesson: For many years, the San Diego Padres were the laughingstock of baseball. Aside from their 1984 World Series appearance, they were always in the NL West cellar; never had a marketable star to carry their team other than Tony Gwynn (not really marketable); always fell victim to heralded but terribly unproductive phenoms like Andy Benes and Phil Plantier. In short, they were losers. And to make matters worse, they were losers with ugly uniforms.

Despite it all, their fans still loved them. They kept coming out to Jack Murphy Stadium and applauded when the San Diego Chicken did his unforgettable routine.

But people, they wore the brown and yellow uniforms. A fashion faux pas that affected everyone's palate - one that couldn't be ignored. 

Alas, the mid 90's rolled around and the Padres changed their duds -- simple white and blue with some pinstripes. Oddly enough, it landed them in the 1997 World Series. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Next, they moved out of The Murph and into Petko Park. With the move came a new look and a new logo. They made some personnel decisions and found themselves contending in the NL West. Ahh yes, here come the Padres.

Fast foward to AMart on his couch in early April. The San Diego Padres take the field wearing brown camouflage tops. I was floored. All that was missing was Lester Holt giving me coverage on the War in Iraq. Seriously, it was like a bad Nelly video. (I apologize for the redundancy.)

So now they have gone back to being baseball's fashion misfits. All that progress with the image makeover and now this? It's like Oprah losing all that weight, then getting fat again. Have you learned nothing?!?!

Well, entering May, their record is 9 - 15. None of their regulars are hitting over .300. Their biggest power source has been young shortstop Khalil Greene (4 HRs, .200 avg). Jake Peavy, their ace pitcher who many penciled in as their CY Young favorite, is 1 - 3 with a 5.17 ERA.

Coincidence?

Oh, and don't think the camouflage is helping either. I can still see you. You're in last place. 

3. ESPN's Stuart Scott. Ok, someone needs to sit this guy down to have a serious talk. Last I checked he was a journalist. But that's a loose term with it comes to our pal, Stu.

I get it. He's hip-hop.

I get it. He's street.

I get it. He's tight with players.

I get it. He's been in a Luther Campbell video.

I get it. He went to UNC and represents the Tar Heels with mad love and props and whatever else he blathers.

I get it. I get it. I get it.

Now what the hell is the score?

Stu, I just want the score, man. Who won? Who hit a homer? I don't care about jimmy jacks and the other side of the pillow. I don't care about the meat rack. When a guy hits one out, he's not playa hatin'. He's just doing his job!

I don't even know what you mean by buya. Is that a sound effect? Are you aware that it means noise in Spanish? Unless, of course, you spell it booya. In that case, it's not even a word, dog.

Seriously. Help me out. I don't care if you kick it with these guys during ESPN the Weekend or at a BBQ or at the Gold Club. I don't care if you all share hugs and handpounds. I just want to know the score.

What's the score, Stu?

Word on the street has Steve Nash winning the NBA MVP award again this season. How is this possible?

What are the credentials to determining an MVP?

Is it most dominating player? Is it the best player? Is it the best player on a good team? Is it the player that makes everyone around him better?

Last year, if you recall, the battle was between Nash and Shaquille O'Neal. The Canadian point guard returned to the team that drafted him out of Santa Clara and proved to be the missing piece in an offense that was comparable to the Lakers, circa Showtime.

Shaq, on the other hand, did everything short of bringing an NBA title to a team more known for running sprints in practice than winning games. At least they weren't tired when they lost, right Vladamir Stepania?

In the end, Nash hoisted the Maurice Podoloff trophy as he stood practically shoulder to shoulder with NBA Commissioner David Stern. Many moaned. Many more groaned. The race card was played, but it was silly to ignore Nash's credentials, even if the Suns didn't win anything. Admit it, it was a great story.

But that was last year. The 2005-2006 season brought us Kobe's 81 points. It made us all witnesses to Lebron James' ability to carry an entire team made up of Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Craig Ehlo... I think. It brought us the dark side of Dwayne Wade - I dare anyone to try to play him straight up. Just be prepared to get a mouth full of cashews.

However, this year the award appears to be going back to Nash.

Sigh... it was cute last year. I bought into the entire underdog, underrated, OC thing he played so well. But that was so last season.

Here's what I think when I look at the Suns: Why do they score 120 points a game? Because they give up 119!

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce another part of the game. What basketball purists call "defense" involves the arduous task of preventing their opponent from scoring a basket.

I know, I know. The only defense Canadians know has to do with a kick-save or a crosscheck (take a picture, that's the first and last hockey reference I will ever make in one of my blogs).

But, will you ever see Nash steal a ball on an inbounds play, take off just behind the free-throw line and throw it down just as time runs out in the half?

Of course not. Why, you ask? That's not his game. Well, what is his game? Running up and down the court a-la YMCA and playing till everyone quits or their parents pick them up?

Regardless of the reason, I'm not buying it. I need more. I need him to take it to the next level. The same way Michael Corleone took it to the next level in 2. The same way Tribe Called Quest took it to the next level with the Low End Theory. The same way the Family Guy takes it to the next level week after week.

I'm not saying Kobe, D-Wade or Lebron should win the MVP. But I am saying Steve Nash shouldn't.

There seems to be an area of difficulty in South Florida when it comes to putting teams away. Both the Florida Marlins and Miami Heat felt the proverbial choke monster rearing his ugly head Monday night against a team from Chicago.

Fortunately for the 20,000 strong at American Airlines Arena, the Heat fought through the grasps and held off a late charge by the Bulls to win Game 2 115-108.

The same can't be said about the Florida Marlins, who blew a 3-run lead in the 8th inning in Wrigley thanks to reliever Josh Johnson - 6 earned in 1 inning, highlighted by a Jacque Jones 3-run jaque.

Of course, we can expect this kind of performance from the young Marlins. Bullpen woes will be the norm this season so get used to it.

But the Heat?

With a cast including Shaq, D-Wade, GP and Employee #8, there's no way the now love-a-Bulls should get the best of this all-star squad, right? Well, despite a raucous Bacardi-sipping crowd, the Bulls' hot shooting (would've made Frank Nitti jealous) combined with Miami's part-time defense allowed Chicago to cut a 20-point deficit to just 4 with under 2 minutes to play in the 4th quarter.

However, as we've all become accustomed, Wade put on his MVP cape, shined his newly chromed dome and put the Bulls away with a routine jumper from the top of the key.

Regardless of Game 2's outcome, the Heat's inability to close the door put doubts in the minds of many. If they can't shake the Bulls, what are they going to do with Vince Carter & Richard Jefferson? What about Rasheed Wallace and Rip Hamilton? Don't even get me started on Manu and Tony Parker.